It's like God shit irony all over that family
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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