i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
