haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i've created a new STD.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize