Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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