Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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