she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
