i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
