i can't believe i had my finger in that
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
