I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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