Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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