I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
