I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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