If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She told me I should be a condom model.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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