do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
