pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We talked him into tasing himself.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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