Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
