i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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