The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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