So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
