the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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