i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
