My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
pop tarts are not kleenex
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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