there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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