wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
