bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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