I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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