I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just blew my weed a kiss
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
