I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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