I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
