Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
