this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
