just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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