Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
