i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
