and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
