I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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