Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
