can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
