the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
