We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
