Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
