There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
