at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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