Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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