just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
