forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
