I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
