just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
