Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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