I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
