Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
