i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
