my mouth tastes like poor choices
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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