do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
